A Queen Strong in Herself
by CrimzieLightwood
Summary: "...Every time I think I'm okay, every time I assure myself that I'm more than what you claim I am, you come in and you shoot it all down. I try so much to love myself, but it's hard when I love you more. And that's why I can't do this anymore," I SHIP DRU WITH HAPPINESS
1. The One With The Wedding

**Hi! I wrote this little thing because I love Dru so much! She is so awesome and such a queen! I hope you enjoy it! Review and let me know what you think.**

* * *

The L.A Institute was packed with as much chaos and excitement one would expect of when a wedding was taking place. Emma, Cristina, and Diana were running around making sure everything was perfect and ready. Kit and Ty had given all three of them equal responsibility to plan their wedding, after days of being questioned about what kinds of flowers they were thinking about having. Honestly, they couldn't care less. They decided to have a more mundane wedding, as Kit was more accustomed to those traditions than to the Shadowhunters'. He hoped Diana would be able to input mundane things into the wedding, as she had lived most of her life with them. Ty preferred to have the wedding at the Institute since he felt more comfortable doing so at home where most of his memories happened, especially memories of Kit and Livvy. Ty went through his moments where he realized his twin sister wouldn't get to be there, she wouldn't get to see him marry the love of his life and hug him and laugh with him when they see Kit drunk on the dance floor. Sometimes, he doesn't want to go on, not when it felt wrong, not when Livvy should be there. But one look at Kit and he knows he can't wait any longer.

* * *

Kit paced in his room, rolling his shoulders to help ease the nerves he feels. He shouldn't feel nervous. He knows what to do, and he knows he's ready. But he just can't shake off the feeling. He looks out the window to the dunes, where the ceremony will take place, and sees Emma screaming at a man, his face red as he straightens a row of chairs. Kit let out a low chuckle, running his fingers through his hair.

"Don't do that, you're gonna mess it all up," a voice drawled from the door.

Kit whipped around to see Ash, leaning against the door frame, dressed nicely in a black tux, his white collar open and devoid of a tie or a bowtie. His tux had a line of gold around the wrist and his cufflinks were gold as well. His pale blond hair was a bit mussed, but the curls at the end gave it a more elegant look, combined with a circlet of gold that rested atop his head. He had a black earring in his right ear and a small tattoo underneath his left. His green eyes were sharp and bright against his paleness and currently they were grazing over Kit.

"Ash," Kit breathed, stepping away from the window. "About time you showed up,"

"I had a tiny, little errand to do," Ash said, pushing off the doorframe. He walked in fully, closing the door behind him before walking to Kit. "But I'm here now,"

Kit embraced Ash in a hug, clapping his back as he did so. Five years ago, Ash came into their lives. After all the blood, the fight with Annabel and the Unseelie King, Ash decided to stay with the Blackthorns. He and Kit became good friends, best friends, one might say, until Ash left the Institute. Despite his absence, he never went out of touch. He and Kit talked on the phone, even facetimed each other. Kit would never give up the mundane technology. For three years, they had no idea where Ash lived. But when he turned seventeen, he got his own place in L.A. near the Institute, so he continued to visit on a regular basis, but he never stayed longer than a day. Ash never gave a reason for his unexpected disappearance, but Kit suspected it had something to do with Dru.

A year after Ash joined the L.A Institute, he and Dru dated. It was only for a few months, but Ash fell hard for her. He was undeniably happy around Dru, anyone could see that, but Dru's feelings didn't quite match his. Even so, she was still happy with him. They held hands, they sneaked small kisses behind Julian's and Mark's back whenever they could. There was nothing to indicate that there was even the smallest bit of unhappiness in their relationship, which confused everyone when Dru suddenly called it off. Kit didn't see much of Ash after that. He holed himself in his room, rarely coming out in hopes of avoiding Dru. Kit tried to get him to talk by asking what happened or if he had a hint as to why Dru broke up with him. He only muttered a stern "I don't want to talk about it" before turning his back to Kit. No one bothered to ask Dru about it, respecting her decisions.

Ash pulled back, patting Kit's shoulder before taking a step back. Up close, Kit could see a small purple mark just beneath Ash's collar. A hickey.

"I'm guessing your errand had something to do with that?" Kit asked, narrowing his eyes on Ash's hickey.

Ash only gave a sheepish smile and a wink before turning to look at the pictures Kit had on the wall. He trailed along the length of it, pausing only to give a small comment here and there. He laughed when he saw a picture of Tavvy, nine years old and wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants. He had a blanket tied around his neck and Mark was flapping it, like a cape in the wind. "Man, I missed that kid," he sighed, moving to the next picture.

"He missed you too," Kit said, walking up to Ash. "We all do,"

"Right," Ash replied flatly, as his eyes rested on a picture of Dru, laughing and covered in flour while Emma stood next to her smiling. "All of you do,"

Kit followed his gaze, smiling himself as he remembered the day. Emma and Dru decided to make cupcakes for Julian's birthday, and Emma struggled to open the bag of flour and used all her strength before the seal finally gave in and opened, causing flour to go everywhere. He stared at Dru, his own heart swelling with love for her. Their friendship was nothing like Kit had ever experienced before and Kit was so ready to call her his sister. He gave a brief look at Ash, seeing his face distant and his body stance rigid. He wondered when the last time he and Dru have actually spoken to each other, if they did at all since he started coming by again. That was what prompted him to ask, "Are you going to be okay?"

Ash blinked twice before answering, "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"Because Dru's going to be there?"

"So?" Ash sneered.

"And she'll be looking nice," Kit said. "Very, very nice,"

"She means nothing to me," Ash snapped, turning away from the wall.

"Ash-"

"I gotta use the bathroom before this thing starts. I'll see you down there," Ash grumbled before slamming the door shut behind him.

Kit only shook out his arms, preparing himself. He closed his eyes tightly, rubbing his hands over his face. He wasn't going to let Ash's bad mood get to him. Despite the dread for the tension he knows will soon be coming, he readies himself as he thinks of Ty and how in less than ten minutes, they will be getting married. Kit snapped his eyes open. "I'm ready,"

* * *

The wedding ceremony was a breeze. Everything went well, everyone moved on their cues, and Ty, to his delight, did not forget his vow, despite forgetting how to even form words when he saw Kit. His heart pulsed so hard in his chest to the point where he could feel it physically. Kit and his unruly hair and his beautiful smile were almost too much for Ty to handle. After they were given permission to kiss (Ty didn't think he could wait any longer), they walked back down the aisle and off into a door separate from the ballroom where the reception was. After taking twenty minutes away, Ty was ready to go to the reception. He prepared himself for the lights and music and crowd that he knew was inevitably going to drown him. As long as he stayed near Kit, he could keep his head above the water and continue to swim.

They walked into the ballroom, Ty's hand squeezing his husband's tightly as jeers and hollers escaped the crowd and applaud followed. They walked to where the rest of Ty's family was seated at the long table against the left wall, streams of golden-orange light flowing through the big windows from the sun setting behind the blue waters. There were two seats in the middle empty that were reserved for Kit and Ty. Julian stood up abruptly, pulling Ty into a tight hug. When he pulled away, Ty saw that Julian's eyes were brimmed with tears, and Ty instantly froze all over.

"What happened?" Ty trembled. "Why are you crying?"

"Oh, they're just tears of joy," Julian laughed, reaching up to ruffle Ty's hair. "I'm so happy for you. My little brother is married!"

"Oh," Ty whispered, but he can't help but smile.

After receiving congratulations from everyone else, and a very thorough description of what to expect on their honeymoon from Emma, Ty finally pulled Kit away. They walked around, accepting more congratulations and wishes, before setting on the outside of the dance floor. Ty stared at the dance floor, watching everyone swerve their hips and move with no coordination or routine, as far as he could tell.

"We don't have to do this," Kit whispered in Ty's ear. "Not right now,"

Ty nodded, turning his head to kiss Kit. Ty knew Kit wanted to dance. But he wasn't good at it. Not as Ash was right now, dancing like no one was watching when indeed, everyone was watching. And they loved it. Many girls went up to him, and many girls swayed with him. But none of those girls affected him the way that it should count. None of them brought Ash out of his cocky demeanor to experience something real. Only one girl ever succeeded in that, and that girl was precisely why Ash was hopping from fling to fling without any real grounding. And that girl, Ty noticed, was nowhere around. In fact, he didn't recall seeing her since they entered the ballroom.

"Hey," Ty called, leaning closer to Kit so they could converse better. "Where's Dru?"

Kit looked up and went on his tiptoes to see over the crowd better. "She said she was going to change into something more comfortable to dance in. She should be here by now though,"

"Do you think we should go-"

"Ah, there she is," Kit said, jutting his head towards the doors. He brought his hand up, waving to get Dru's attention.

Dru noticed him after a careful gaze over the room. She started making her ways towards the dance floor, circling around to get to where Kit and Ty were. Upon her arrival, Kit let out a low whistle.

"My, my, look at you!" Kit smiled.

"You like?" Dru giggled, twirling to show off her dress.

Her dress was an onyx black, with a few lines of gold and crimson around the waist. It hugged her upper half nicely, flowing off at her waist before resting a little under mid-thigh. She was wearing black heels that strapped up around her foot and to her ankles. Her hair cascaded in soft curls and was unevenly swept over to the left side of her face, as if she had run her fingers through it. Her eyelashes were big and full and her lips were a dark red color that was so matted, it looked natural. She never wore makeup really, but with or without it, she was beautiful. She had three bracelets matching the three colors of her dress and a golden necklace at her neck. Livvy's necklace.

She did look stunning, Ty had to admit that, however uncomfortable he was with his little sister looking this mature and…. Alluring, he supposed. But Dru was mature, Ty reminded himself. She's nineteen. But maybe to him, she'll always be little.

"I finally got out of that horrid dress! It was cute and all but how are you expected to dance in something where you can barely even breathe,"

"Stop complaining and give your brother-in-law a hug!" Kit laughed, stepping forward and bringing Dru into his arms.

Dru hugged him back tightly, smiling ear to ear. She stepped back to pull at Ty's arm, squeezing his hand. Dru never really hugged Ty. He never understood why. Maybe she still thought he didn't like contact, or being embraced. She had muttered that once when Ty flinched as a stranger shot forward and shook Ty's hand. It wasn't that he didn't like contact. He just didn't like strangers.

"Congratulations to you two and Kit, welcome to the family!"

"However crazy it is," Ty laughed.

"I don't care if it's crazy or not," Kit said, reaching up to cup Ty's cheek. "As long as you're in it,"

Dru groaned as they kissed, turning around to face the dance floor. Ty noticed this out of the corner of his eye, and pulled back to stop Dru before she saw-

"Well," Dru whispered as her eyes narrowed onto Ash.

He was dancing with a blonde girl, quite provocatively, Ty might add.

"Dru," Ty spoke, turning Dru around to face him. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Of course," she replied, a smile plastered on her face.

"We can get him to leave-," Ty started.

"No!" Kit interrupted. "He's here as my guest."

"Kit, this is my sister," Ty pleaded.

"Ty, I'll be fine, I promise. He means nothing to me," Dru sighed. "Now, where's the bar?"

"You're not old enough-" Ty gave up when Dru walked off with the bar in her sights.

"He said the same thing," Kit said, walking around to face Ty.

"This is so frustrating! They act like they don't care about each other but their actions say otherwise! Why are they lying to us?"

"I think they're lying to themselves," Kit whispered, stroking Ty's cheek.

* * *

The sun was well under the horizon now, the sky only a mural of blue and purple and pink. Dru stayed near the bar, gulping down her drink faster than the bartender can serve three people. Drinking didn't help anything but she certainly didn't care anymore. She was on her third glass, ready for her fourth when Kieran came along.

"You're done," he said, swiftly taking the glass out of her hands.

"Excuse me?"

"Dru, you are nineteen years old, you shouldn't even be drinking," he said.

"So?" she asked, slurring only slightly.

"You're lucky I was the one you found you and not Julian or Mark," Kieran said, bracing himself on the bar.

"You're right," Dru sighed. "I just…."

"You just…?" Kieran willed on.

"Nothing," Dru whispered, pushing off of the bar and walking over to a corner to sulk.

She leaned back on the wall, staring off into the dance floor, where Ash continued to dance, in his weird way, of course. But he looked happy. So happy. It's been five years. Five years since they last talked. Well, had a full conversation other than insults and informing the other that "This person wants you." She doesn't blame him, not really, but she misses him. A lot. She may have been the one to break things up but it doesn't mean she doesn't love him. And she does, she really does. She just didn't five years ago. How could she? She was fourteen and it was her first relationship. She was surprised when Ash confessed his feelings for her, and she thought given time together she might grow to return those feelings. And she did, but just not when they were together. That's why she had broken up with him. Well, partly. She didn't feel what he felt and she didn't want to drag him around for something that may very well be nothing. As much as she regrets it now, she thought that someday she would be a problem to him. She wasn't like the girls that constantly threw themselves at him. She was rounded, and had a bigger build, and wasn't cute and short. She didn't hang out with other girls her age and go shopping. She read and loved horror movies and memes. She should've given him much more credit than she did. It wasn't until she was seventeen did she realize how she felt about him. And regretted how despite his words, and his stupid, stupid ways of getting to her, she still fell for him.

He always got to her. And she can't shake herself out of this feeling, no matter how much she wants to. He talks down on her, calls her names, talks about her weight and her fear of social situations as if they were an inconvenience. She knows she does the same, but she knows that she doesn't mean it. When he says it….. How can she tell if he really thinks that way of her or not? Especially when he goes around from girl to girl, showing off his hickeys and whoever he has on his arm at the moment.

"A pretty girl like you shouldn't be off sulking in a corner," someone said from beside her. "Especially at her own brother's wedding,"

Dru turned to find Jaime looking down at her. _Jaime._ He was the only other guy that distracted her from Ash.

"I just haven't find someone worthy enough to take on the dance floor," she quirked, her mood changing into a more pleasurable one.

"Well, your majesty," Jaime smiled, crossing his arm over his torso and bowing deeply. "May I prove myself worthy to accompany you and your awesome dance moves?"

Dru curtsied lightly, letting out a giggle as she said, "Of course, kind sir. Let's see if you can keep up to a queen,"

Jaime laughed as he wrapped Dru around his arm, guiding her towards the dance floor. They stepped in, making their way to the middle. They danced together, swaying to the music as other around did. She doesn't know why she feels different. This wasn't anything new. She and Jaime often went out to clubs together, drowning themselves in music, alcohol, and laughter. Yet there was something that made her feel unnerving. As Jaime grabbed her by the waist and twirled her around, she found exactly what made her feel this way. She danced on as Ash glared at them from a distance, a scowl on his face and a flash of…. hurt in his eyes? Dru told herself she imagined it, that the alcohol taunted her with her deepest desires. She grabbed Jaime's hands, pulling him around and closer. She freed herself, letting loose with no heartbreak and regrets.

* * *

Who was that guy? And why was Dru with him? He's never seen Dru like this before, so carefree and happy. And she was happy with that guy. Who the hell was he? He had tried everything; he had given everything to make her happy. Well, he would've, if she had just let him. But she didn't and so here he is, dancing with another girl that could never make him feel even an ounce of what he felt for Dru. Whatever he felt for Dru. And she looked so damn good. He suppressed the anger bubbling up in him and turned to the girl on his side. He gripped her by the waist and pulled her flush against him, grinding their bodies together to the beat of the music. He didn't want to do this, but he had to do something to show Dru he was better off without her. It's been five years and he still can't shake this longing for her. After all they've been through, all the harsh words and cold glares to each others, here they are, trying to show who's better off without the other. Ash pulled the girl closer, whispering something suggestive to how is tongue is a much better dancer on the skin of a beautiful girl. She giggled at his words, reaching up to his ear and nibbling on his earlobe. Ash knew Dru saw this as he watches her leave the ballroom. His heart was heavy in his chest but he gives in to the satisfaction of winning, telling himself to not care if he hurt Dru in the process. But one look at her family's murderous glare and he's running after her, all the pain and harsh words and desperation for her finally pushing him over the edge. He was done with this game and he intended to end it right now.

He knew where Dru would be. It was where she went to vent. It was where all Shadowhunters seem to vent. He pushed the door to the training room open, slamming it shut behind him.

"Go away, Ash," Dru said, punching a dummy. Her shoes were across the room, as if she'd thrown them at the targets painted on the wall.

"No," he said, crossing his arms over his chest. "We're going to talk, right here and right now,"

"Why don't you go talk to that girl?" she huffed, bringing her fist up to connect with the dummy's jaw.

"I don't want to talk to that girl, I want to talk to you," he said, moving to stand behind Dru.

"Why, so you can just tell me how shitty I am? How I don't have a single good trait and how I shouldn't even be here, yet alone in your presence and I should just get rid of myself altogether?" she whirled on him, her anger radiating from her body.

Ash was taken aback by her words. He would pick on her, he would hurt her with her weaknesses but he would never, _ever_ suggest she… He can't even say the words. His life without her beside him was hell, but life without her at all…. He didn't want to think of it.

"Why would you say that?" Ash fumed, stepping forward to match the glare in her eyes. They were close, _so close._

"It's true, isn't it?"

"No, it's not! Why the hell would you think that? Why would you think you are invaluable? That you don't matter?"

They just stared at each other, their chests moving quickly as the atmosphere filled with tension. Ash choked back a sob as he realized why.

"Dru," Ash whispered. "I'm so sorry… I never meant to-"

"Just stop," Dru interrupted, shoving him away. "Stop pretending you care,"

"I'm not pretending, Dru! Why do you think I'm here? Why do you think I go from girl to girl? I'm trying to get over you!"

"You're trying to hurt me!" She shouted, her voice breaking. "You're trying to hurt me. That's all you've ever done. And I know you're trying to justify what I did to you…. But what I did lasted one day five years ago. You've been treating me like shit every time you see me. Every time I think I'm okay, every time I assure myself that I'm more than what you claim I am, you come in and you shoot it all down. I try so much to love myself, but it's hard when I love you more. And that's why I can't do this anymore,"

Ash was speechless. Every word she said was like drilling a hole in his chest. But when she said that she loved him… He wanted to burst right there. He wanted to get down on his knees and beg for his forgiveness. He wanted to beat himself up for ever uttering a damn insult to her. But most of all, he wanted to hold her and assure her that she was the most perfect and beautiful person Ash was blessed to know. But he didn't. He just stood there, his hands shaking by his sides and this beautiful, beautiful girl with tears down her face was looking up at him with a look he couldn't place. Something inside her was stirring and he had no idea what that was. And that scared the shit out of him.

"Dru, please…."

Dru look at him a long moment before a shuddering breath worked its way from her. "This is…. toxic, Ash. Me, you, us… This whole thing is toxic. I can't do this. I deserve more. And so do you,"

Ash couldn't breathe anymore. His whole world was collapsing and the very life of him, the source that drives him to live is the one doing the damage. "No. No, Dru, please. Listen to me. I know what I've done was wrong,"

A scoff escaped Dru before she could even stop it. "Exactly. This has been going on for five years and it takes me breaking down to get you to come to your senses. I'm not granting you ease. I'm not just going to let you go and forgive for all that you've done. I'm not going to give you a way out of facing your consequences,"

"And what," Ash breathed, his own tears falling unwillingly. "…are going to be my consequences?"

Dru walked up to Ash and reached up, wiping his tears away. She leans in, placing her lips directly above his, brushing slightly as she answers, "Watching me walk away,"

And with those four words, Ash's knees gave way, his body no longer able to support him as his beautiful girl left him in the cold darkness.


	2. The One With The Realization

**I guess I'm making this into a thing. Thoughts?  
**

* * *

She didn't know when it happened. She didn't know when his smile became the most beautiful thing she'd seen. She didn't know when his laugh became music to her ears, almost as if the angels themselves played it. She didn't know when she started looking for him. She didn't know when her day became sour because he wasn't around. She didn't know when she truly cared for him. She didn't know when, she didn't know how, and she didn't know why. She just knows that she was in love with him.

Some days she welcomed the love she felt for him, because she thought she would never understand what it was like to be in love. Some days she hated it, because she knew that it wasn't reciprocated. And why would it be? After all, she was the one who broke his heart. But that was never the intention.

Their relationship was new to her. Drusilla never spent much time socializing, let alone dating. Ash was so outgoing and he seemed like he was ready to show the world that he was dating Drusilla Blackthorn. But Drusilla was not ready to take on the world for herself. So before anything got too serious, she broke up with him. And she meant to do it kindly, she really did, but Ash wasn't making it easy. He tried to make solutions; he tried to change himself because he believed he was the problem. Dru never told him why she broke up with him. At least, she never told him the real reason. For a while after, he wasn't himself, Dru learned. She never noticed much about him during this time because it felt too weird. Emma was the one who had told her. Dru was so surprised; she didn't know that she had such a big impact on him.

All the unanswered questions and heartbreak and confusion changed Ash into the worst possible version of himself. He began to hate her, and he went to no lengths to hide that hatred. He started to berate her, picking on everything he noticed about her. Every single thing that Dru hated about herself, he spoke of. He made fun of. He exploited her fears to everyone as if she were just a big joke. He even went so far as to call her out personally on her size. Thankfully, no one had ever joined him because they knew the history and didn't have any problems with Dru themselves. Even though no one at school joined, no one stopped him either. They awkwardly laughed it off or ignored it altogether. Even his closest friends made no comments about Dru.

Now though, years later, Ash is much better to her. At first Dru was relieved, and a little suspicious, but embraced it nonetheless. Later, she started to resent it. Even though Ash was nicer, he distanced himself from her. He stepped around her, he sat the farthest he could from her, and he avoided her. At least before he was around her, talking to her, looking at her. This time, she barely saw him. There was a hole in her heart where Ash used to be, but she never realized it was so deep. She knew she missed him, they were alike in so many ways that it physically hurt her that she couldn't joke with him. He was a bigger part of her than she thought.

Ash is okay, to her knowledge. It's not as if she can go around asking about him because everyone gets suspicious and starts assuming that she likes him again. Dru hates when it happens because in her mind, that makes her a hypocrite. She broke up with him yet she wants him back? She knew it was stupid so she denied any feelings for him. Now, looking back, she realizes that maybe she was scared of admitting it to herself.

Ash on the other hand seems to be thriving without her. He's dated so many different girls, and with each of them he always showed them off. Not to her, but to everyone, because he was happy. Ash is always happy when he's in a relationship. He craved that romantic love so deeply because everyone else around him seemed to have it but him. Of course, no one saw that but Dru. That's why it never hurt her much whenever she saw him holding hands with a girl at the pier or when he came to school with hickeys all over his neck.

He's been on her mind the past few months. She didn't know what it was but she knew she missed him. She had always missed him but something was different. It wasn't until one day when they were left alone in a room that she finally realized what it was. It was a small room, where the brainstorming for the school newspaper occurred. They sat at the desk that centered the room, Dru sitting at the end and Ash sitting next to her on the side. By now he was comfortable making small talk with her, but they weren't friends. Dru was working on a paper, and every so often Ash waved in her face or covered her paper, teasing her and playing. Each time their eyes locked, she felt her heart flip inside her chest and she couldn't help but smile. Whenever she laid her hand on the table, she hoped that by some chance he would take it. The nerves in her fingers tingled endlessly and she wiggled them to try and relieve them. He laughed every once in a while, and she loved it when he laughed. When she couldn't take the waiting anymore, she sat up a bit straighter and looked at him. And then it hit her. She didn't just miss Ash Morgenstern. She longed for him. Somewhere along the way she fell for him. She was deeply and truly in love with him.


	3. The One With The Apologies

**Let me know what you think!**

* * *

"Alright, what's wrong?"

Dru leaned back against the booth, pulling herself out of her thoughts. She looked across the table to see Jaime's brown eyes focused on her. His dark hair was messy, a tuft tucked behind his right ear. He was wearing his usual black shirt, with a leather jacket and dark jeans. He had a blue band around his wrist and a necklace with a symbol that was unfamiliar to Dru. The party lights danced on his skin, making it seem like he was some sort of faerie.

"What? I'm fine," Dru said.

Jaime rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. "I take you out to party, and you're sulking,"

"I'm not sulking,"

"You're definitely sulking. About what though? I don't know, because you won't tell your best friend what's wrong," he said.

"You think you're my best friend?"

Jaime placed his hand above his heart. "Ouch, Blackthorn. You really know how to hurt someone,"

It was Dru's turn to roll her eyes. In all honesty, she felt a bit drained. As they entered the club, Dru briefly saw someone with white blonde hair in the crowd, and for a second she thought it might be Ash. She never saw the guy again so she assumed she had simply imagined it.

"There's music, there's dancing, there's food, there's drinks, there's a LOT of guys checking you out, and you're sitting here with this sad face you got on,"

"There are no guys checking me out,"

"Oh, really? Nine o'clock, blonde guy with the blue and white shirt. He's been looking over here EVERY twenty seconds,"

Dru looked to her left, staring at the brick wall.

"MY nine o'clock, smart one,"

Dru laughed then, looking over to her right to see a guy at the bar glancing over at them. He quickly looked away when their eyes met. He was cute, she supposed. But she wasn't really looking for someone at the moment.

"You should go talk to him," Jaime said, picking up his drink.

"Maybe he's looking at you," Dru joked.

"I don't blame him if he was. What about that waitress? She always laughs at your jokes when we have her,"

"Have you ever considered that maybe my jokes are just that funny? Besides, I'm straight,"

"But you're a Blackthorn," Jaime said.

"Yes, but I'm one of the 'rare' straight ones," she said.

Jaime gasped loudly, setting his drink down loudly. "Those exist?! I thought they were a myth!"

Dru laughed then, her hands shooting to cover her face.

Jaime joined in on the laughter, his laugh almost a deep chuckle. "Hey. Wanna dance?"

"To be honest, James, I really don't. I just wanna go home and snuggle in my bed and watch Friends,"

"You watch that show way too much,"

"It's funny,"

"It's annoying," Jaime said.

"It won't hurt your feelings if I left?"

"Of course not, I'll go with you,"

"No, no, no. You stay, you wanted to come and have fun, so stay and have fun," Dru said as she slid out of the booth.

"You don't really think I'm gonna leave you alone-"

"Jaime, I'm twenty. I'll be fine. I'll call an Uber," Dru said, pulling her phone out of her pocket.

"You really shouldn't say your real age here, someone might overhear and ban you," Jaime said.

"Oh, well. I'll see you tomorrow?" she asked.

"We'll see. Be safe, okay? Keep your phone on you at all times, I will be texting you,"

"Alright, Julian. Love you," Dru said, blowing a kiss as she walked towards the exit.

The music from the club drowned out and was replaced with the sounds of crashing waves. _Maybe I'll look at the water for a bit._ Dru walked across the parking lot to where the sand dunes were. She found a trail between two of them and continued walking towards the beach. When her feet hit the cold sand, she looked up at the horizon. Taking a deep breath, she pulled her hair out from its ponytail. _Just like home._ She spotted a bunch of rocks along the coast and made her way to them. The smoothest one she could find was a bit in the water. She sat atop it crisscross, and subconsciously began playing with her fingers. _It's beautiful here._

Dru couldn't believe it was happening again. What the hell is it that makes even the thought of him affect her whole night? She hated it. So many times her heart demanded him, and every time her mind denied it. _This couldn't possibly be healthy_ , she thought. _Maybe I should talk to someone about this. No, it's been so long since even the idea of us was a thing. It'd just weird anyone else out._ Dru dropped her head into her hands.

"Hey," a voice said from behind her.

Dru whipped around, already prepared to defend herself. Then her heart stopped. She slowly dropped her hands _. Is this a dream_ , she thought, because that was the only time she allowed herself to see him. There, balancing himself between two rocks was Ash Morgenstern.

"Ash?"

"I thought I saw you," he said. He climbed over the rocks to where she was sitting. "Mind if I join you?"

"Um…"

"Oh, come on. I don't bite," he joked.

She couldn't believe this. Ash was here and talking to her and…. he wanted to sit with her? It didn't seem believable but it felt so real. "Go ahead," she gestured to the spot next to her.

"So… I'm guessing your date didn't go so well?" he asked as he sat down.

"My date? I wasn't aware I was on a date."

"I saw you with that guy in the club. The one with the leather jacket?"

"Oh, you mean Jaime!"

"I didn't ask for his name," he grumbled.

"We weren't on a date. We tried that once but it didn't really work out,"

"Yet you guys went clubbing together? Besides, Dru, you're underage. How did you even get in?"

"I could ask the same thing of you," she said.

"I have my ways," he smiled.

Her heart soared. Never again did she think she would see that smile. And that thought alone brought her back to her senses. "Ash, what are you doing here?"

"What, a guy can't release some steam and have fun?"

"No, I mean what are you doing _here_? On this beach, with me?"

"To be honest…. I don't know," he said, looking out onto the water. "I don't even know how I got here. One minute I'm on the dance floor and the next I'm in the sand. I remember seeing you leave alone and I guess I got worried? I know I have no right to be doing this, to be chasing after you and making sure you're okay. But I just had to."

She didn't know why, but suddenly her heart ached. For what, she wasn't sure. All she wanted to do right now was say…. _I love you._

"What?"

 _Did I just say that out loud?_

"Yeah, you did."

 _Did I really say THAT out loud_ , she groaned. "I mean…." What could she say? He shouldn't have heard that. It was just in the moment!

"Dru-"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. I should go," she said as she stood up and hurried back over the rocks. _Time to pull a Kit Herondale and RUN._

"Wait! Dru!" Ash called after her. He got up and went after her. "Wait, please!"

"Just ignore everything, okay?" Her feet hit the sand and she began walking speedily back to the club's parking lot. Just then her phone buzzed in her pocket. _Probably Jaime._

Ash jumped from the rocks and ran after Dru. He rushed in front of her, purposely blocking her. "Hey, wait."

"Listen, man. I don't really wanna go through this whole awkward thing right now," she said, moving around him.

He grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards him. "No, please just listen to me,"

"Ash-"

 _Listen to him!_

Dru stopped moving. _Who said that?_ She looked around them and found no one. What the hell? Maybe…. Livvy? But only Kit and and Ty can see her. Still…

"I don't even know where to start…" he whispered. "But... I'm sorry. I was so awful to you over the years and I said things I shouldn't have, things I didn't mean. I was just trying to hurt you because… Well, it killed me to see how happy you were after our break up. Every morning I woke up I hoped I was in hell because even the pain they would cause me would pale in comparison to how I felt seeing you. Do you know how hard it was for me not to kiss you? Not to smile when you laughed? Not to punch every guy I caught looking at you? Not to break down completely? I know that none of this is an excuse but it's the truth. I had hoped to hurt you to somehow make up for the pain I felt. You seemed like you were better off without me. I never stopped because I never realized what I was doing to you. I didn't think I was doing anything to you at all. You never reacted to anything I said, I figured it just didn't affect you. But it did, didn't it? And you held it all in. You never told anyone, not even your family. You kept it to yourself and you let me hurt you over and over. You are so strong…"

Dru quickly wiped the tears from her eyes before they could fall. She pulled her arms around herself, hoping that that act alone could keep her from falling apart.

"And beautiful," Ash whispered.

"What are you doing?" she asked, her voice breaking.

"I'm not finished," he said. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all that I've said, I'm sorry for everything. I'm just so sorry. I never meant anything I said. You're not a tease, you're not messed up, you're not fat, and you're not weak. Oh, god. You are so smart, and strong, and so so beautiful. So very beautiful. And I know I don't deserve forgiveness. I'm not asking for it. I just want you to know that I'm sorry and that I didn't mean anything."

Dru couldn't believe what she was hearing. She tried so hard to keep everything in, but it was like a weight had been lifted from her. She finally had ease. She knew he didn't blame her for anything. She knew he didn't hate her with every fiber of his being. Tears flowed freely down her round cheeks.

"Please don't cry," Ash begged, reaching up to wipe away her tears.

Dru wrapped her arms around Ash tightly, pressing her face against his neck. "Thank you," she whispered.

Ash wrapped his arms around her, holding her to him, one around her waist and the other holding her head.

 _A new beginning. As friends._


End file.
